Being open to discussing relationships and sex early in your teen’s life will help them feel more comfortable talking to you and asking questions when they’re older. Having regular conversations also sends the message that these topics are important enough to talk about regularly and are a normal part of life.

Listening to your teen is key in helping them become comfortable with talking and opening up to you. Encourage them to talk by asking lots of questions. If they start the conversation with a question, get them to share with you what they already know about the topic before giving them an answer. This will help you assess their scope of understanding and give you chance to find out more about what they know before you share your knowledge.

Everyone’s comfort level is different when it comes to discussing relationships and sex. Try not to let embarrassment or awkwardness discourage you or your teen from having these conversations. It is likely that your teen will be very grateful to you for taking the initiative to talk about it and let them ask questions – so long as you don’t make it about them!

You want your child to be able to talk to you about anything so it’s important that you do not invalidate them, their feelings and their experiences but approach the conversation ready to listen. Try not to say anything that might close down the channels of conversation now or in the future and try not to focus only on the dangers and negative consequences of relationships and sex; it's important you recognise all the positive aspects and feelings too.

Don’t assume that just because your teen has asked you a question about relationships or sex, that they’re actually in one or actively participating. Plenty of teens may ask questions about these topics because they are curious or they’ve come across something online or through a friend. If your teen asks you a question, provide them with an answer, if you don’t have one, be truthful. This helps create trust between you and them and will make it easier for them to turn to you for help when they’re older.

If you’re struggling to get the conversation started, television shows, movies, websites, books and magazines can be a springboard for educating them about relationships or sex without the difficulty of initiating a conversation that seems targeted specifically at them. For example, if dating, LGBTQIA+ issues, love or sex come up on a TV show or in a movie that you are watching together, it can prompt a discussion. Questions like, ‘what would you do if someone you were dating acted like that character in this TV show’ can help trigger useful conversations where you learn how they feel without making it about them.

There are a lot of places your teen can go to find out about relationships and sex – school, books, internet and friends. What’s important is that you help your teen learn positive and healthy values around these topics – such as how to treat others kindly and respectfully. Without this guidance, young people can learn from sources with unrealistic depictions of relationships and sex. 

Your teen might fight it easier to talk about relationships and sex when it’s in the third person. Stories about friends, family members or examples you come across on the TV or in the news are all good ways to get your teen speaking. Questions such as ‘what do you think that person should have done?’, ‘what could they have done differently?’ and ‘what pressures might they have felt?’ can help get your teen talking freely about potentially difficult topics. This is because it shifts the focus from your teen to imaginary characters, making it much easier for them to express opinions without feeling it’s personal and about them.

It’s ok to tell your teen that you don’t know the answer to something. Either tell them that you’ll get back to them after you’ve done a bit of research or use it as an opportunity to do the research together.